this time last year i was super engorged, learning how to give my baby the sustenance to survive. she was small and very dependent on me. she was incredible.
my, how time flies. she is one year old now, and has never stopped amazing me. and i am so glad that we have an amazing connection that started with our breastfeeding relationship. little did i know how hard that journey was going to be. i have always heard that breastfeeding is "natural" so i assumed i would just "get it." how wrong i was. my sweet little baby had a wonderful suck, but an incredibly clumsy mother, who hadn't had much experience with floppy, new little squishes. she was also a baby who loved her sleep (if only that were true now). she was constantly falling asleep while we nursed. and the worrier in me was freaking about if she was eating enough. and silly me (or extremely naive me) had read too many "sleep training" books and was trying to keep her to a schedule. thank goodness she was one that fell into that naturally. now i know how detrimental that could have been!
i was also one who didn't understand all the hype about the "attachment" you will develop while nursing. i was such a nervous first time mom that i was constantly second guessing myself and i never lived in the moment. i worried too much about the future. i knew that breast milk was the best for my baby, which is why i continued to struggle through, to persevere. even when i had to have gall stones, and eventually my gall bladder removed, i pumped, dumped, and had to give formula but knew that i was going to get back into nursing. it was hard. it was tedious and trying. especially because josh couldn't help as much as i wanted him to. if it were up to me, i would have been able to chop of my boobs and lend them to him for a night. too bad it doesn't work like that. but, lily was such a little power sucker, that she transitioned back very well. i was a zombie in those first days from the lack of sleep, but i would just pull lily up to my chest and i could feel her warm little body and hear her breathing and swallowing and i knew this is how it is supposed to be.
that full blown attachment mentioned earlier didn't happen for me until she was about five months old. it took me that long to enjoy breastfeeding. i really did hate it in the beginning.
it took so much time.
it hurt like hell.
i was too insecure at the time to not use a cover, so it was incredibly awkward.
it was all on me (or i felt that way) and i stressed over being so responsible for a little life.
now i see it completely different, and completely worth it.
it has helped me loose some of my baby weight.
i am now a more secure mommy and trust my judgment.
i am protecting her from illness and disease and helping her body thrive.
she still gets great nourishment from me.
it is my time to reconnect with her, even after she has been screaming all day.
i constantly get to re-establish and strengthen our attachment to one another.
i am helping her become a secure little person.
i still get to feel her warm little body and hear her breathing and swallowing and i still know this is how it is supposed to be.
I’m celebrating World Breastfeeding Week with Natural Parents Network!
You can, too — link up your breastfeeding posts from August 1-7 in the linky below, and enjoy reading, commenting on, and sharing the posts collected here and on Natural Parents Network.
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